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Posts Tagged ‘Humor’

My darlings,

We are officially less than a week away and I’m absolutely wretched because I am (as I am sure you all know) a horrid control freak…and now absolutely everything beyond this point is outside of my control!  If my relations choose to make an appearance and toss soup in the Prince of Wales’ face, I can do nothing.  If my hair dresser tumbles into the Thames, I can do nothing.  If the flowers fail to arrive, my gown gets stained/ripped/shrunk, or the entire party gets lost on the way to the nuptials, I can do nothing.

You may imagine how much this state of affairs pleases me.

In other unwelcome news, I’m off to my physician today for the Dreaded Exam singular to our gender as well as confirming all manner of arrangements for the wedding breakfast and ball.  A pair of events that, I think, do not at all go together in good taste!

Yours hurriedly,
Miss Kirk

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My darling,

To quote our friend Miss Woodhouse, it is a good letter, much better than I would have expected.  The manner is gentlemanly and confident but not arrogant, indeed I think I may call it sweet.  But, my dear, you’ve left out some rather crucial details!  To whom was it written, and who wrote it to begin with?  Or is it a mystery that you have just stumbled upon?  Of course I hope to hear it from an admirer of yours, therefore write again and more explicitly as to the particulars behind it. 

Also, I still have your birthday gift sitting on my desk as we speak, can I at all prevail upon you to call on me today (my business will not let me leave my writing table I’m afraid)?  If not, I will wait upon you at your convenience tomorrow at any of the cafes or tea shops in town.

Yours conspiratorially,
Miss Kirk

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Hello, darlings,

I don’t often do this but I would like to bring some of my other writings to your attention.  At the root of the question I address in this missive, I think, lies a fundamental problem for women like us who aspire to be true ladies with all of the graces, elegance, and and general savoir faire that implies…but are still women with our own follies, ambitions, flaws, and personalities.  Your thoughts please.  I think history shows us that our sex has often passed over being full blooded women, with passions to say nothing of thoughts, in the pursuit to be a lady;do you think we make sacrifices in the other direction?  And how does one balance these two sometimes similar, sometimes conflicting goals?

Yours thoughtfully,
Miss Kirk

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So sorry, once again, for my literary absence.  I have decided to make a brief appeal to the fashionable young ladies in my circle.  I look to you, wise ladies.  What are some great ways to spend money more economically while still living the fabulous life to which we are accustomed?  I am thinking mostly of cheap food, and how this wonder was accomplished in your personal lives.  Where there times of roman?  Was there a 57 cent pot pie that was a staple?  What are the best ways for me to go about saving a dollar or two?  Suggestions ladies?
 
Yours frugally,
 
Miss Wollstonecraft
 
Post Script- I taught in my classroom for the first time to day.  I have finally achieved the status of maestra…or Jane Eyerian Governess.

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My dearest girl,

Serenity?  Anyone?!

Serenity? Anyone?!

Again I’m in awe of your decision to be wed in May and again I offer my services because if you are as stressed as I am (and I imagine you are MUCH more) you deserve accolades to rival His Grace the Duke of Wellington!  I had no idea so much work went in to planning an event such as this and my mother, godmother, future-mother-in-law, and well meaning friends are forever alerting me to things I have absolutely forgotten to think of/never heard of before in my life.  Please write back as soon as you may and get my mind of this awful process by diverting me with stories about yours own, write explicitly as to interfering mothers for amusement and flowers for inspiration.  I meet again with my florist this weekend and am utterly at a loss!

More aggravating are the thoughts of our future maintenance since we will be living off my fortune until he should come into his own.  How provoking to be concerned not only with planning a wedding while one’s family is in Suffolk and one’s future is in doubt.  Mr. Rivenhall and I have found excellent lodging but we must wait to find out whether or not it will be made available to us.

I am the most impatient creature alive, as well you know.  And now I have to sit and wait.  And wait.  It’s the anticipation that annoys me, you understand.

Your Pathetically,
Miss Kirk

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“Tell me once and for all, are you engaged to him?!”

Sorry, my dear, I could not resist.  When you and I go shopping on the High Street today, we’ll do our best to help you resolve your indecision as to color and cut, among other aesthetic conundrums.  I shall call for you near Victoria’s this evening.  Adieu,

Yours conspiratorially,
Miss Kirk

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